day 18 - No worries

"Philipians 4:6  "Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and definite requests, with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God."


Today's devotional was all about worry. It spoke very loud to me. I went to bed last night but stayed awake worrying. I am going to California next week because my brother is getting home from Afghanistan. He is a officer in the Marine Corp and has been gone for 7 months.  My mind was preoccupied with a million things racing through it last night. I always get nervous to fly even though I have flown a million times. And that was not even the biggest worry at all. I used to live in Los Angeles so I have several friends that I want to see. It has been 10 years since I was last in LA, 10 years since I have seen some of my friends. For all you math people, I will give you the equation for my worry: 
        10 years + 2 pregnancies + 30 pounds later + insecurities = stay up late with worry


My body is still in Alabama but my mind is already in Los Angeles hearing the made up voices of my friends saying, "Melissa has gained weight. She doesn't look as good as she did. She doesn't take care of herself." A woman and her struggle with weight. It is a daily issue that turns into a life issue. But here is the deal, when I was 30 lbs lighter 10 years ago I still had the same voices that spoke negative to me. Then they said, "You're not as thin as these other girls. You would be prettier if you lost weight." I was on the same mission to lose weight then. So I have got to change my thoughts abut my body. Acceptance is the key. Loving me no matter what. Some days I have no issues with loving myself. Somedays are harder then others. When my focus becomes on what others think, I begin to worry. I would like to say that when I read Philipians 4:6 this morning,  "Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and definite requests, with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God." that I immediately stopped the worrying and anxious feelings. But in reality, after reading this my "prayer and definite requests" became "Lord thank you that I will lose 40 pounds my next week." Not the best focus. So that is my "being real" for the day.

Love you,
Melissa