Die to self

Today during my quiet time I was so aware of the fact that I have allowed Jesus to be the savior of my soul, but I have not allowed him to be the Lord of my life. I am the lord of my life. My life is pretty much about me....what I want to do, what I feel like doing, what would be good for me. I realized it has been awhile since I have done something for others. OK, so I have kids and a husband and of course do things for them. And my work is pretty much about serving others. But the truth be known about work is that I probably do it for the "me" factor involved. I get to say "I work at the hospital. I'm a Child Life Specialist. blah, blah." Are my motives to love others, to serve others. Sometimes maybe. I want my life to be a reflection of Jesus' love for us. I want him to love others through me. But I have to learn to get over myself to do this. I am having a hard time with that. How can I live for him when it is still pretty much about me?I've been talking with him lately about my "Me" issues. I know he can do a work in me and have him be the larger part of me. But I also know that I have a part in that equation. Less of me + more of Jesus = goodness. We have such a short time in the world and if I am here to do the purpose he has me here for....I need to get busy with "Him" and not so busy with "me". Make sense?

A great day in LA

I am sitting in my sisters apartment in LA. She is getting ready to go to work and I am going to spend the day walking around LA visiting friends and family. I am having a great time here. I like going on vacation because if gives me a new perspective. It also makes me appreciate my usual perspective as well. We had an amazing day yesterday welcoming 130 marines and sailors back from Afghanistan. It was a beautiful moment to watch. There were men meeting their babies for the first time. I am glad I was there to share that awesome moment. It is so good to have my brother back in the states. I have such a wonderful family. I am so lucky. Today I get to walk around and see some friends that I have not seen in about 10 years. We are literally going to walk around Beverly Hills visiting people. I am so blessed. I love my family here but miss my family back home. Mike, Zoe, Jackson, Cole....I hope you are reading this. Know that I love you and miss you!! You are not here in body but you are here with me in my heart. And Max...Zowie dog says "Woof".

I hope everyone has a great day. I will post pictures when I get home.
Melissa

Last day of the fast

So today is the last day of my sleep fast. It has been a good time to get up and have some time focusing on God. I know there is so much about God that I do not know, and so many questions that I do not have the answers for. But I do know that God is so powerful and can do amazing things through me if I just let him. I am realizing more and more all the time how much I have to stay in the present moment with everything in my life. I can't focus on the past and my mistakes because that just leads to guilt or regret. I can't focus too much on the future because that will just lead to anxiety. I want to be so "present" in every moment so I can listen for God and follow his lead. There was a quote in the devotional that I liked:
     A man can no more take in a supply of grace for the future than he can eat enough for the next six months, or take sufficient air into his lungs at one time to sustain life for a week. We must draw upon God’s boundless store of grace from day to day, as we need it. —D. L. Moody
Grace is just God's ability working through us. I am choosing to trust that God will give me everything I need in every moment. I found another quote that Zoe had posted on her blog yesterday. It is a really great one that I want to share with you also:
     "To the world you are one person, but to one person you could mean the world."


Don't know who said it, but I thought it was a good one. I hope you all have an amazing day. I have enjoyed writing my blog. I will keep it up, but probably not everyday. I love getting comments and feedback so feel free to write something :)

Day 20 - One more day

Todays' post will be short. Each day's devotional from the website has a bible reading section and a prayer focus section. Today's prayer focus was very good.

Prayer Focus: What has caused you to shrink back in your expectation of what God wants to do in your life? Are you ready to be expanded beyond recognition? That’s what God’s new wine will do in and through you. Pray that the Lord will expand your life to glorify Him, giving you boldness to step out and be used by Him.

My prayer through this entire fast is that I will have a new vision from God. A clear direction with a purpose and meaning. I know God will show me that. 

Day 19 - Jesus

Today's reading is Matthew 7.  Almost the entire chapter is Jesus speaking to a crowd of people. So much spoke to me in this chapter. 1st thing, "Do not judge .....why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?...take first the plank out of your own eye and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." I am so guilty of judging others.  Dictionary.com defines "judge" as to form a judgement or opinion of: decide upon critically. I do this a lot. I am see someone doing something and will form an opinion about why they are doing that and then be critical. I have no right to do that. First, we have NO idea all the things going on in people's lives. So we really have no clue as to why they do the things they do. I feel Jesus clearly says here to work on my own issues, then I will be able to "remove the speck from" others eyes. Help others for their benefit.
Next thing in the chapter that spoke to me was verse 7, "Ask and it will be given to you: seek and you will find: Knock and the door will be opened to you;". It goes on to say in vs. 9 "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone?...If you know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him." I have 3 amazing children. Financially we can't give them everything they want, but inside we sure want to give them everything. YOu just love your kids no matter what and want the best for them. Why do we not see God that way all the time? I as a parent, want so much to provide for my kids. God looks at us that way. He wants to provide for us, give us what we want and need. Your children may do things to make you mad or upset, but usually it is just things that could hurt them or others. Parents truly want the best for their kids. God absolutely feels the same about us. If I just spent time thinking about that and "knowing" that in my heart and soul, life could be so different. I know it in my heart, but my head may say different sometimes. Today I'm feeling it and it's going to be a good day! I hope you all have a great day.
Love you,
Melissa

day 18 - No worries

"Philipians 4:6  "Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and definite requests, with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God."


Today's devotional was all about worry. It spoke very loud to me. I went to bed last night but stayed awake worrying. I am going to California next week because my brother is getting home from Afghanistan. He is a officer in the Marine Corp and has been gone for 7 months.  My mind was preoccupied with a million things racing through it last night. I always get nervous to fly even though I have flown a million times. And that was not even the biggest worry at all. I used to live in Los Angeles so I have several friends that I want to see. It has been 10 years since I was last in LA, 10 years since I have seen some of my friends. For all you math people, I will give you the equation for my worry: 
        10 years + 2 pregnancies + 30 pounds later + insecurities = stay up late with worry


My body is still in Alabama but my mind is already in Los Angeles hearing the made up voices of my friends saying, "Melissa has gained weight. She doesn't look as good as she did. She doesn't take care of herself." A woman and her struggle with weight. It is a daily issue that turns into a life issue. But here is the deal, when I was 30 lbs lighter 10 years ago I still had the same voices that spoke negative to me. Then they said, "You're not as thin as these other girls. You would be prettier if you lost weight." I was on the same mission to lose weight then. So I have got to change my thoughts abut my body. Acceptance is the key. Loving me no matter what. Some days I have no issues with loving myself. Somedays are harder then others. When my focus becomes on what others think, I begin to worry. I would like to say that when I read Philipians 4:6 this morning,  "Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and definite requests, with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God." that I immediately stopped the worrying and anxious feelings. But in reality, after reading this my "prayer and definite requests" became "Lord thank you that I will lose 40 pounds my next week." Not the best focus. So that is my "being real" for the day.

Love you,
Melissa

Day 17 - quotes

Todays reading was from Genesis 17. God had already promised Abraham a son. But lots of time passed and still no son. I love this one part in verse 17. God had just spoke to Abraham and said it was going to be through Sarah, Abraham's wife that he would have his son. I love "real" people, people not afraid to show who they are...faults and all. Maybe this is why I like this part in 17, "Abraham fell facedown, he laughed and said to himself,  'Will a son be born to a man 100 years old? Will Sarah bear a child at the age of 90?'" Abraham had just been reminded of the promise God had given him earlier...that he and Sarah were going to have a son, and all he could do was laugh. "You're going to do WHAT God? Yeah right." Sometimes God may speak to us and say "this is what I am going to do through you." And sometimes our only response is to laugh and say "yeah right". But in those times, it is important to remember what Jesus said in Luke 18:27,  “What is impossible with man is possible with God.” I pray we all believe God for something big today. 


On a more random note, I LOVE great quotes! So here are a few that speak to me :)


" What is impossible with man is possible with God."
-Jesus


"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."
— C.S. Lewis


"If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world."
— C.S. Lewis